Over 100 Ways to Annoy Edward Cullen
by SerenaStarina
Summary: Yes, i know this has been done so much,but hey, its fun right!


Over 100 Ways to Annoy Edward Cullen

1. Go up to him in the hall at school. Think loudly, 'Edward Cullen. This is your conscience. Leave Bella and go out with me.'  
2. Bake him a birthday cake...with 107 candles. Make frequent jokes about his being "over the hill"  
3. Give him a puppy named Sprinkles.  
4. When asked what to do with Sprinkles, hand him a straw and exclaim "Go for it, Tiger!"  
5. Make him watch Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. Mouth the word "Cedward!" in his general direction.  
6. Ask questions like "How about them Chudley Cannons?", or "So...who's this Cho I keep hearing about?" When he "refuses" to answer, say you'll be rooting for Harry.  
7. During his piano serenades, yell "Play some Skynyrd!!" in a racous voice.  
8. Have phone conversations with other fictional vampires. When asked, tell him "Lestat says hi!", "Oh Mick, gotta go. HE'S here." or "Sup Krava-Krave? How things kickin with Selene?"  
9. Have "We Appreciate Mythology" days with the pack and the Cullens. Fervently discuss how we need to "be on better terms with Nessie".  
10. Spray Bella with 'Jacob eau de cologne'  
11. Sit next to him and bring up all these images in your head of different way to torture Bella  
12.putting him in a thorpey suit  
13. chucking him in a fountain of chocolate sauce  
14. making bella into a snow woman  
15. using bella as a pinata  
16. put bella in the all in one jammies so he can't get to her  
17. Ask him where he buys his contact lenses. Daily. For about, ooh, a year.  
18. Send a large and anonymous donation to the school, on the condition that Bella's geography class is sent to see the delights of the Tuscan countryside. Suggest Volterra as a prefered location.  
19. Eye him suspicously every time he walks past, gripping a crusifix and throwing strings of garlic around your neck.  
20. Repeatedly pester him to ask Alice for the winning lottery numbers.  
21. Ring him in the middle of the night. "Sorry, Edward. Did I wake you?"  
22. Sing 'I know a song that'll get on your nerves' in your head continually, over and over again, he'll go insane in less then three hours garrenteed  
23. hmm first i'd get me and a bunch of friends to buy red contacts and makeup that makes us look really pale, then we'd move to the cullens lunch table and start the werewolf lovers club.  
24. give out free plastic fangs to everyone in the school  
25. make an animal rights poster to save the mountain lions  
26.Follow him around with a mirror, gasping with shock every time you see a reflection.  
27. Enrole Bella at the Quileute school. Or, even better, on another continent. In permenant sunlight.  
28. Play It and make sure you run in the sunlight, where he cant follow you.  
29. smash his volvo  
30. tell him bella married jacob  
31. show him this topic in this forum - also fanfic, the 'What if Edward was gay?' topic, and all the 

Twilight Movie Cast threads where we bash Rob.  
32. Letting the fangirls loose on him  
33. go into his house and kidnap alice  
34. Scratching up his Aston, (not that I'd do that, coz it would be a waste.)  
35. Ask him if he knows Dracula. When he doesn't respond, wonder out loud how he got fangs. Then turn to Edward excitedly and ask if he can introduce the two of you.  
36. Get a big group together to discuss what you want to be when you grow up. When it's your turn, say unnecessarily loudly, "I want to be a monster. But somebody" -throw a pointed glance in Edward's direction - "won't let me."  
37. Sit him and Jacob down to 'talk it out', a la Jerry Springer. Frequently ask the two how they feel about that.  
38. Say -"OMG. Is that Victoria?" Every five minutes!  
39. Make a t-shirt, and wear it frequently, saying 'I'm with the Vampire.' Make Edward a matching one saying 'I'm with the Human.' Force him to wear it.  
40. While he's in it, drive really close to his Volvo. I mean really, really close. Now, using your rearview mirror, make a nice, long, noisy scratch on his door.  
"Um, oops?"  
Then run for the hills.  
41. Go up to him look into his eyes and say what am I thinking? Over and over! For I don't know...oh lets go w/...a month!  
42. Come to school wearing dark robes, red/black contacts, and white makeup. Go up to Edward. Claim to be from the Volturi, and ask him where Bella is.

43. Think disturbing thoughts  
45. Go up to Edward and ask him if he can read your mind. Think very steamy thoughts about you both. Watch a vampire blush as he covers the front of his pants and runs  
46.Have sweaty werewolves make a dogpile on Bella. Push the reeking Bella into Edwards's arms  
47. Tell him the Vulturi took Bella  
48. Shred Alice's credit cards and blame it on him  
49. Get Emm and Jazz to "think" about Bella  
50. Tell him one of the new werewolves imprinted on Bella  
51. Paint his shiny silver Volvo and piano neon pink  
52. Have Jacob move to live with Charlie and Bella  
53. write a book called my life as a vampire give it to him tell him it's about him when he asks how you know tell him long have been spying and researching  
54. Tell him Darth Vader is his father  
55. ...and that he's a werewolf  
56. Have him over at your house and pretend you don't know he's a vampire. Insist that he have something to eat. Act offended when he refuses.  
57. Hang out with the wolves and give them all big hugs and then follow him around.  
58. Offer him a PETA t-shirt.  
59. Buy him self-tanning lotion.  


60. Pay Jake to hang out at forks high school and think dirty thoughts about Bella all day until Edward snaps-and then get out of there as fast as his wolf legs will go.  
61. have Jacob buy a shiny silver Volvo and be waiting in the car in the forks has parking lot so when Bella comes out of school she gets in Jacob's Volvo whose thinking this and makes eddy see it! (I would never do any of this too Edward Anthony mason Cullen! I love him far too much)  
62. Make Bella president of the La Push Cliff Diving Society  
63. ... And give the President the job of toweling down all those half-naked, dripping wet La Push boys as they come out of the water.  
64. ... or Give them the job of toweling HER down!  
65. Run around the school shouting, 'EDWARD CULLEN IS A VIRGIN'  
66. Tell him Bella's been accepted to take part in a motorcycle rally.  
67. Tell him Bella's been accepted to take part in a motorcycle rally, in La Push, over the treaty line, with a whole bunch of raucous, half-naked werewolves.  
68. Go up to Edward and tell him Bella has a serious case of OECD (obsessive EDWARD CULLEN disorder)! Loll  
69. give him a coffin for christmas and tell him his old one was getting shabby  
70. Every time you see him yell, "Hey, whats up Dracula! \  
71. Think over and over about his good looks...and when he stops blushing undress him with your eyes...  
72. Say what's up vanilla face? Every time he walks by you  
73."Think unsexy thoughts. Think unsexy thoughts" when you walk by him.  
74. Have Rosalie challenge him to a race... In high heels  
75. Um... make moves on him and pretend to get upset when he resists.  
76. Ask him what Hogwarts was like. And why he didn't just go all vampire-super-strength-super-speed on voldemorts ass.  
77. Be on the other side of a crowded room and think scream ahh James is attacking me really loudly  
78. Ask him how he came back to life...twice!  
79. Pay Jacob to train as a stripper then for belle's birthday put him in one of those cakes that people can come out off.  
80. Ask him if you can have Harry's phone number.  
81. Tell him Bella found out about Cho  
82. Ask him if it was really Voldemort that turned him into a vampire.  
83. Tell him Alice kicked him out of his room again  
84. Tell him all the females from Denali are coming for him  
85. Make frequent comments about his virginity for a few days. Then, one day, walk up to him. Tell him you watched The Forty Year Old Virgin, and tell him you 'need to talk'.  
Have this discussion. Watch as he tries to kill himself with severe embarrassment.  
86. Picture Bella feeding Jacob grapes like he was some king.  
87. .Every time I spoke to him OR thought of him I would say Eddie Boy instead of Edward. When he asked WHY I do that I would simply say, "This is the 21 century, whose name is Edward?" and smile  
88. I would wait for him to walk up to me and say hi. I would say hello back, he would try to start a convo with me and I would halt him saying, "Sorry, but I prefer Jasper"  
89. Introduce him to your new best friend, Buffy.  


90. Walk up to him cut my finger and lick the blood of then walk away while thinking mauhahahahahahahahahahahaha you can't have any!  
91. Keep telling him how much his driving "sucks"  
92. Picture Bella washing Jacobs's car  
93. Tell him Bella moved and give him a phony address, so at night he crawls in bed with an old lady!  
94. Sing "sexy back" every time u sees him, and when u doesn't  
95. Get up early in the morning and ring iss bell, and when he answers say "Mil-blood man! Here's ur blood sir!"  
And hand him bottles of blood, from a mountain lion.  
96. have en Edward Cullen parade, and scream "Edward Cullen is a vampire!" over and over again  
97. When u see him say, "Jacob, Jacob is that you? Oh, sorry Edward! I thought you were smelly!" then laugh historically  
98. Tell him Bella pictures him as Jacob in her head  
99. tell him ur taking him to a party and blindfold him, then it turns out he's in...a gay bar!  
100. post pictures of your self all over his room  
101. make him read "Driving for Dummies"  
102. Everytime you see him say (or think)  
"Heh, some tracker... how many miles are there between texas and brazil?? Sheesh!!"  
103. While he's out hunting go into his bedroom. Take out the CD from each case and switch it a different CD in another case, 3 shelves away from where it should be. Do this with EVERY SINGLE CD and then make sure all the cases are put back where they should be!! bigsmile smile wink  
104. Poke him repeatedly in the arm during class, then every time he turns and asks you what you want shrug and say "Nothing"  
105. Tell him Blade is looking for him  
106. Tell Charlie that Edward sneeks into Bellas room at night through her window... then hand him a 50 off cupon for pad locks...  
107. If you are ever driving him home from anywhere just drive really really slow while singing along with a bunch of different country songs. During the ride you might turn your head to look at him and find that he is no longer in your car.  
108. Blast 70's music.  
109. Ask him what type of every car u see is  
110. Talk to bella only about jacob  
1. put pictures of different girls ALL OVER his room  
112. ask him how jacob is doing all the time  
113. take all his cd's and give them to Mike or Jake  
114. paint his volvo neon orange- if some one did that to me, i'd probably cry  
115. Post pictures of jacob all over his room  
116. every time u see him yell, "Meow!" or "Roar!"  
21651654654. Randomly run up with a stake yelling "Die, fiend!"  
118. Go around Forks High School shouting "EDWARD CULLEN IS A V-WORD!" and when he asks what the v-word is say "virgin!"  
119. Sing 60's and 70's music in your head...he hates it!  


120. Ask him if he was the inspiration for The 40 Year Old Virgin  
121. Start a food fight in the cafeteria, and throw nothing but garlic bread at him. When he acts annoyed, say "Oh, I'm sorry, would you prefer mountain lion?" - to which I have to add, throw mountain lion bread, mountain lion blood, or mountain lion, in which case, good luck carrying those around.  
122. Constantly tell him he "sucks."  
123. Repeatedly think in your head "Wouldn't you rather have a girlfriend with a clear mind?"  
124. tell him in your mind i hate bella swan when he glares at you ask what?  
125. Say "I like my guys hot. Jacob!"  
126. tell him there is very sad news about bella he asks what it is you say bella got a new purse then he will be like oh i got worried over nothing  
127. Tell him that Bellas been kidnapped by Jacob, then when he bursts into Jake house jump out at him and yell APRIL FOOL!  
128. tell him vampires are nasty and werewolfs are cool  
129. haha,  
make a "au jacob" perfume out of his smell and then randomly run up to him one day and spray it all over him/make a stink bomb out of it and throw it in his car window/house so that when he walks in it's like a burst of jacob  
130. When you pass him in the halls, or anywhere really, think that you 'saw' Bella doing adult things with the La Push boys, not against her will, and that he should dump her and hook up with yourself.  
131. make a plan with alice and bella to grab edward put make up a dress and really high heels on him  
132. Think of Jasper naked. Only Ellanara would say that.  
133. Think of Bella naked and think how sexy she would look  
134. Think of Edward naked and then follow him around all day asking him, "Is something wrong?" or "Are you okay? You look like something's bothering you."  
135. Tell him he has a twin and your married to his twin  
136. Think of Bella commiting suicide because she just found out that Jake had run away never to return, and follow him around all day saying "I know something you don't know, I know something you don't know."  
137. Forget the Bella part, just run around saying "I know something you don't know!" in your head over and over again  
138. Invite 2 a movie party,set up a table of every type of food with garlic u can think of and when he comes say" u can have anything ud like to eat",when he gives u the look tell him"or do u prefer mountain lion blood?"and if he asks wat movie tell him we are watching 40 yr old virgin,and ask him if he'll star in the 100 yr old virgin. Oh, and play seventies music.  
139. slap him around the face with a wet fish - its soo simple but its right!  
140. the whole thong joke - basically get together with bella so u put a red lacey thong in his jumper pocket and she finds it and just watch as he goes from very confused to very angry!  
141. Walk up to edward and say i like ur fangs where'd u get them from?  
142. Wear pale makeup, a Dracula-esque cape and suit thing, and drink nothing but cranberry juice. Say loudly, 'See! This is what real vampires do!'  
143. Picture Bella make mad hot sweaty love with Jacob Black  
144. Grab bellas clothes whilst shes showeering (shell run around naked)  


145. Get edward to go to bellas room and say to him:"bellas waitin in there for you"  
until he opens the door and sees a naked jacob laying in the bed, grinning at him.  
146. fling jacobs boxers at him.  
147. slap bella  
148. ask him what colour underwear he wears  
147. tell him you know what he did last summer  
147.5 ask Alice, then tell him you know what he'll do next summer  
148 Ask him if he's gonna wear a condom with bella.  
149. Tell him you know how to make him human, when he asks how you say "Through the power of Friendship!" then hug him.  
149.5 or say "all you need is to have not have killed any people or any cats (cause they're sacred)" then laugh  
150. Ask him if he could beat Chuck Norris  
150.5 tell him he couldn't - No one can beat Chuck Norris. No one.  
151. Think over and over again, "Can you hear me now? How bout now? good!" xD  
152. TELL HIM JACOB KILLED BELLA  
153. show him some of the stuff on  
154.hug him then tell him he is too cold  
155.put on the song teardrops on my guitar and tell him bella wrote it for him  
156. Arrange a vampire dress up day at school.  
157. Wear a T-Shirt that says, 'Edward Cullen is a vampire."  
158. TELL HIM YOU KNOW HIS SECRET AND YOU ARE ONE TOO AND WHEN HE ASKS WAT SECRET TELL HIM HE IS A VIRGIN  
159. give out "TEAM JACOB" shirts to everyone at school  
nvince Jacob to switch to Forks high school  
161. make alice go up to him and tell him that she saw him & bella "gettin' down"  
162. Chop up his piano for firewood, and when he finds out, tell him that he wouldn't want his favorite human to go frezzing to death, would he? ... then run... far away. A liitle mean, but I thought it was funny. shrugs  
163. Tell him something using a large number of old fashioned complex words. When he asks what you are saying, look exasperated and exclaim, 'I thought you of all people would understand!'  
167. Use his CD collection and having the shiny side up pasted on the roof forming the words: Edward Cullen lives here!, then all of the fangirls go out and chase him. Then laugh at him while he is trying to run away from crazed fangirls AKA US!!  
167. hug him and tell him he's too cold than go to to jacob hug him and say he's perfect.  
168. Run up to Bella when she's with Edward. Eagerly ask her for the number of that really hot La push boy. When she says 'Jacob!?' say no. Walk away and smile. Your work is done.


End file.
